Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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