I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There's always time for handjobs
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
