OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
