now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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