I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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