I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
