So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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