it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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