Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
