He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
