It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
