wanna go halves on a baby?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
