my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
