You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
