i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
