I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
