I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
