yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
