just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
