I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
