More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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