If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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