Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
