I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
