Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We're too hungover to prance.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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