And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
