what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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