My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
