What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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