cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
