At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i've created a new STD.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
