I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
