your thong is hanging out like whoa
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
worst night to have a conscience
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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