don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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