What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
