I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
