She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
