I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
