lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
