If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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