Kareoke will never be a sober sport
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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