Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
