people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
