I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
