I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The power of my boobs compel you
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
