Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
