two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
