I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think people are normalizing furries
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
