Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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