Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
