I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
