DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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