You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
