I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
