Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
