saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
