You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
