Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
