How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
