I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
