hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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