Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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