conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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