When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize