I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
