Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
as a side note pls kill me
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