I should be sponsored by Trojan
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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