I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
