Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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