you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
