is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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