So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
