if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
