Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
