the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
