Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No more Irish car bombs ever.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
