Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
